easter

sometimes i feel like i have everything in life that's worth having, and all i need is to find the perspective to see that through all the stupid little daily grumbles.

i have the best family ever. yesterday we were all sitting around the table listening to amazing stories of my mom's family growing up. i was sobering up after a gin and tonic/vodka cranberry/smithwycks as they talked about the lobster house in bayville that was their life for 3 and a half years. my aunt carol remembered driving with my mom's lisence to and from work and never giving it a second thought because that was what my grandfather asked her to do. they recalled shelling clams all day, how to do it and who was the best at it. my uncle slept until 2 and bartended until 5am. they all stayed upstairs in the apartment above the restaurant. it was a torturous experience that they simultaneously loved and hated but they remember every jukebox song and smiled when thinking about the old dissheveled couple who would drink at the bar each day, fight and then get back together so that they would play "together again" on the jukebox all the time.

my aunt rosemary was 5 years old and used to stand above the lobster tank so that people could pick out their lobsters and she would walk across the restaurant and bring it back to the chef. that sense of camaraderie is nice. it spoke to an idea ive been turning over in my head about a shared world view. like siblings that understand when your world is the roof over your head and the peculiar rules and rituals of your life in a house together. for them it was even more so because they not only lived together they worked together every second of every day and never had a day off or a day to go to the beach though the lobster house was right by the water. my uncle did remember skinny dipping in the long island sound when the bar closed a few times. they even talked about the family and sense of community among the greeks and italians and all those who were business owners on the strip. they watched out for one another's kids. one time they found my aunt rosemary down at the greek place making kebabs at the back of the restaurant. my grandmother recalls one time when she was waiting tables on the patio and Rug, their dog who had never known a leash, jumped down from the apartment to the patio. when a customer asked whose dog that was my grandma said she had no idea. he ran under the tables and all over bayville but he always came home, though they think he had a stroke soon after that.

i wish i remembered anything about my grandfather except for a few half remembered moments but the stories are something i will never forget. he did so much without an education, and as hard as my aunts and uncles and grandma worked he always worked twice as hard. my uncle remembers one time he got pulled over on the cross island because he had fallen asleep. the cop thought he was drunk but he said he had honestly just worked all day and half the night. it makes me wonder what im working for and am i putting in all the effort and giving it two hundred percent. i hope i have a real classroom soon so that i can, in my own way, do something worthwhile.